What Hiding Problems Does To You And Your Partner: Here’s How To Make Your Relationship Work

Being in an intimate relationship means that we are prone to disappointment or hurt. This is a risk that we have to take. Although many like to paint their relationships with rainbows and cotton candy, we are nevertheless vulnerable to being hurt. Obviously, we like to present the best side of ourselves and our relationships especially to others, and even if there was pain, we would try to mask it.

So why do we want to hide the pain in our relationships? Surrounding the question are a million possible answers but perhaps the truth of the matter is we just do not wish to end the pain of our relationship. This could be because if we were to end the pain, it would involve us ending our relationship. And this would make us suffer even more. So, we choose to pretend that life is fine with no problems.

Can one really find happiness by doing this to themselves? By pretending that everything is ok, can we truly find happiness? Some may argue that if nothing can be changed then this is the only solution; we may not be happy but at least we are not fighting. In this way, is the heart able to take all the pain to continue the relationship? If this is what you have been doing, then perhaps you should reconsider the nature of this relationship. No matter how we wish to change the picture mentally, we have to remember that when we are not happy, the relationship slowly dies off as the heart closes up.

Being human, we are not invincible to the pain that relationships may present to us. We feel hurt when we are not treated well. Many people then try to manage it from a mental zone, hoping that they can better handle the situation. In my field of work, this approach has proven to be ineffective. The pain that people end up having to bear is often far more than the initial pain because of the act of bracing the hurt over time. As the pain accumulates, so too does the anger and resentment that one has towards their partner.

The idea of keeping things quiet to make a relationship work out is always a time bomb and is only a matter of time before the situation explodes. When that happens, there is no turning back as there is no way then to salvage the situation. Many marriages end because couples choose to keep their dark pain within their hearts to the point where they are unable to do so anymore and the pain is unleashed onto the partner. By the time such an explosion occurs, the other party would not even have a chance to salvage the situation because by then, their partner has already given up on the relationship.

Is there really any meaning to keeping and swallowing the anger? Maybe it seems attractive in the beginning, but as time grows to months and then years, it is not that easy to brace it. In fact, it could be easier if we allow ourselves to look at our anger and really work on it. We can begin by not judging ourselves for being angry. Sometimes when things do not work out, we should look at our pain and say yes to it. We should accept that we are not happy and know we have to do something about it.

Do not be skeptical about how this little awareness can help to change the nature of the situation you are in. Often, people who are honest with themselves find a better resolution than those who choose not to face themselves.

When we envision our pain and really relate to it, it means we are taking responsibility for our own feelings. We do not need to do anything to please anyone but to know that by addressing ourselves, we already avoid putting ourselves through more hurt and pain. Preventing pain from happening is something we all hope for in an ideal relationship. However, as long we look at ourselves truthfully when pain does arise, then we can find a faster solution to our pain too. So maybe now, at this moment, we bravely look at all the pain that we have experienced and we gently say to ourselves, “Yes, I accept

Moon Serenade Meditation

new-address-change

Magenta Pomander

Magenta Pomander 
Dear Rainbow Friends & Warroer

We are delighted to share this news from Mike and Aura-Soma Products Ltd

With love & light,

The Academy Team

Due to its proximity to Mid Summer’s day in the Northern hemisphere, Mid Winter’s day in the Southern hemisphere, June 21st is an auspicious day.

In recognition of the importance of this time there has been a lot of activity on Shire Farm. The flow forms on the chakra path have been realigned and we have placed more rose quartz around the large Hathor sculpture by the heart pond. In addition we have been working on the glyphs of the Mayan Tree of Life which will be situated on the eighth chakra, above the crown.

The Guardian Angel and Heart Angel for 21st June is B66, this bottle ‘The Actress’ is the predecessor to B67 – the first time the Magenta energy appeared in the system in both the upper and lower fractions of an Equilibrium bottle.

With the significance of these events both globally and locally I get a sense of overwhelming and profound synchronicity with the coming into being today of the Magenta Pomander.

In the Aura-Soma system ‘love from above’ and ‘love in the little things’ are nearly synonymous as both are intimately related to the Magenta energy.

I remember when the Archangel Chamael Equilibrium bottle was born I received the inspiration that at some not too distant point in the future the Magenta Pomander would be born.

I am also reminded that Vicky often expressed tales of how she had used magenta paint in her clinic, a topical treatment first recognized for its healing potential during the battle of Magenta in 1859. Perhaps at this time we have the opportunity to become ‘whole’ (the root of the word healing) with the potential healing of our karmic wounds.
Love is not only the answer it’s also the key to our healing.

If we don’t love ourselves what chance do we have to care for each other? Let’s remember who is important to love first and foremost as we immerse ourselves in the Magenta ray. If it feels right I suggest that the first time you introduce it into your field you say from your star in your belly:

‘As I offer this sacred substance to myself, for myself, I love myself and feel the love from above’. 

Then as the wave of Magenta energy extends through each of us out into the world, when we view the rainbow we might look to see if the Magenta appears brighter.

Excited thoughts and love from above,

Mike and the Aura-Soma team

Tetford

 

This article is credited to Aura-Soma Academy

Turtle shell

The turtle shell

As children, we begin life emotionally defenseless, but as we experience more of life, we discover that we are vulnerable to getting hurt by others. Hurt people hurt people. It has also been said that people will usually hurt you in an attempt to heal themselves. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Thus, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you becomes the ultimate risk because you are giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart.

From an evolutionary standpoint, our chances of survival increase when we are in control of our environment. Psychologically, we feel less vulnerable when we possess a higher sense of control and so we also tend to feel the impact of any pain less intensely. This may explain why many see vulnerability as a weakness. Ergo, since emotional pain is an inevitable human experience, we gradually learn to protect our vulnerabilities and this is the process depicted on the 4 of pentacles in the Tarot.

The irony of life is that when we become invulnerable, not only are we shielding ourselves from hurt, we are also choosing to close the door to love, intimacy and connection. For instance, we may opt not to socialise with others for fear of being hurt but the mere act of being unsocial evokes feelings of loneliness and probably even depression. When you are cut off from others, your heart becomes closed and constricted. You become tense, anxious, fearful and defensive because you are constantly trying to protect yourself from any potential hurt. Indeed, it is a self-defeating pattern. We also see that people who get mired in their pain or hurt for too long tend to accumulate emotional baggage which is akin to a dead weight being carried around. In actual fact, our protective shells are an impediment to us because it obstructs the natural flow of things.

You are the creator of your own reality, but “An unresolved past never really goes away until you find the courage to revisit all the pain and accept that you cannot change it!” Shards of Glass – “From the Tragedy and Trauma of Childhood Abuse to Redemption and Triumph!” Whatever remains unhealed, or whatever you have difficulty accepting about yourself will keep popping up as lessons throughout your life. This means you would likely be repeating a certain distinct pattern by attracting people who trigger your emotional landmines.

Did you know that your emotions can directly affect the state of your health? People unknowingly create illnesses and diseases in their physical body because they refuse to deal with or let go of mental/emotional issues. Physical pain is often an indicator that there is still emotional work to be carried out. It can also serve as a warning of unresolved trauma in the nervous system. According to Dan Mager, the author of Some Assembly Required: A Balanced Approach to Recovery from Addiction and Chronic Pain,  “Suffering in general, as well as specific to chronic pain, is a function of imbalances in physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual functioning. Because whatever affects the mind or the body will inevitably affect the other, regardless of which side of the fence an issue originates, imbalances in thinking can create imbalances in physical, emotional, and spiritual functioning. Recovery—from any significant condition or life challenge—is a gradual, progressive, and ongoing process of restoring balance in these areas”.

There is no doubt that our past experiences, as unsettling as they may be, hold important life lessons for us. Having said that, Life does not demand for us to hold onto what has already happened because we still have lots to experience. To quote Anthony Robbins, “Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more”.  We should take heart that it is possible to be aware of our negative life patterns and do our best to learn how to change them, and, as a result, liberate ourselves from a history that stymies the flow of happiness into our lives.

Hence, to all that we deem important, we can try saying, “I let you go and if you come back again please stay a little while more”

Father, I see you

Father, I see you

Almost any man can father a child, but there is so much more to being a father in a child’s life. However, the lack of true acceptance of the value of fathers has diminished his influence, which is increasingly seen as negligible, often resulting in many fathers feeling like second-class citizens in the world of their children.

Research shows that people who grew up with involved fathers tend to be better adjusted, dependable, and friendly, report higher levels of self-acceptance and are more likely to have a long-term, successful marriage. Children who are the product of good fathering are also less likely to run into problems with the law, substance abuse, and unwanted teenage pregnancy. Interestingly enough, Stephan Poulter, a psychologist in his new book “The Father Factor,” wrote about how fathers have great influence on the careers of their sons and daughters. Meaning to say that the successes or failures of employees in the workplace can also be traced to what kind of father they had.

Nevertheless, many are not aware that the diminishing role of the father is the root cause of a multitude of social ills. According to the National Center for Fathering,   in America alone, “More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father and millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent.  If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency.” Based on the report by Allen and Daly, when fathers are absent, “Boys, on average, are more likely to be more unhappy, sad, depressed, dependent, and hyperactive. Girls are more likely to become overly dependent and have internalising problems such as anxiety and depression.”

Alas, no family is perfect because we human beings are all works in progress. Studies have shown that fathers with psychological and emotional issues are more likely to reject their children by neglecting them or becoming abusive. Whether intentional or not, a father’s rejection can have devastating effects on the child because physical, emotional or sexual abuse in childhood can stunt the normal development of skills required for one’s healthy emotional well-being as well as relationship building.

When childhood trauma is not resolved, a sense of fear and helplessness carries over into adulthood, setting the stage for further trauma. Anger and anger management problems are prevalent among individuals who have experienced traumatic events.  It is this anger inside which creates a rift and pushes people away. This is actually a survival strategy response cultivated since childhood to disconnect from the father in order to protect against and suppress feelings of powerlessness. However, when we internally reject or disconnect from our father, we are in fact closing our heart to the fullness of life. Consequently, we will feel ‘empty inside,’ ‘not strong,’ ‘not fully alive,’ and so on. Therefore, when the underlying issue is not addressed, the wounded child within us will keep reliving the unhappy experiences again and again like a broken record. This is just how life is.

The good news is, it’s never too late to reach out and do all we personally can to heal the father-child relationship. At any point in time, we have the choice to intentionally take responsibility for our own well-being and change old unconscious belief systems that no longer serve us.

“Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality.  Yet, it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds.” ~ Wayne Dyer

When we forgive, we gain freedom from the anger and pain, and can move on to a better, more peaceful place. The lovely healing energy of the green crystal called Dioptase is very useful to support this process as it encourages compassion and stimulates forgiveness of oneself and others.

“You cannot experience the fullness of your authentic self or life when you live to avoid hurt. You will never know the joy of love or the peaceful satisfaction of being loved if you hide from hurt.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant~

So, look at your father and say “Father, I see you.”

Erik Pelham in Singapore Aug 2016

Heart of Sophia is proud to invite the founder of the butterfly and Sea Essence Erik Pelham to present his course and consultations from the 4th of August to 11th of August 2016. To know more about the event please click on the flyer below.

 

Sin Consultation Details 2016_V3Sin Teaching Course Fee 2016

Karin Meury in Singapore

On the 26th of May to 29th of May, Our in house consultant from Switzerland Karin will be in Singapore to provide her Aura-Soma and Family Constellation insights to all who are interested to see her. For more information please click on the flyer.

20160428_DM for Karin Meury_V1_Page_120160428_DM for Karin Meury_V1_Page_2

Being Free

Being Free

Never has the dream of spiritual, emotional and economic freedom been more attainable. Yet many single men and women would still choose commitment over “singledom” solely because most people do not envision living their life alone. However, deep down inside, many continue to regard being in a committed relationship and being free as conflicting desires.  They may remain reticent about it but there is that subtle and underlying fear that being in a relationship might rob them of their hard-won freedom.

Typically, the life cycle of an adult relationship undergoes many changes. The “honeymoon phase” is the phase where we are still madly in love and everything is exciting and wonderful because we have idealized projections about who the other person is. At this point, we are unaware that these fantasy projections are actually our own unfulfilled hopes and desires. However, when we really start to see the other person for who they really are, we become disappointed and disillusioned. It does not come as a surprise then why many couples break up at this point when faced with such a reality.

There is no doubt that our relationship forms an integral part of our life. But then again, it has been said that every problem on Earth comes from attachment. Attachment has been described as the emotional dependence we put on people, or things, with some degree of our survival interwoven into that precious thing which we hold so dear. These attachments represent things that we feel are necessary for our survival and pleasure in addition to giving us an identity and a purpose in life.

So then, is our relationship actually based on true love or are we emotionally attached because of our low self-esteem? Many are under the misconception that losing themselves in a relationship is the ultimate expression of romantic love. But if the “me” becomes “we,” it can indicate the beginning of an unhealthy form of attachment where one’s self-esteem is contingent on the relationship. Meaning, a person’s feelings of self-worth is determined by the positive reactions they receive from that other “special person”. Perhaps the main problem with this attachment to people is that it often hides a fundamental sense of lack or unworthiness, thus preventing an individual from examining themselves.

Don’t wrap yourself, your identity, and your survival around anything or anyone. The moment we make it about “keeping” another for our own gain, our own need, it becomes about our ego, fears, and insecurities. A mindful, compassionate, kind being only wishes happiness and love for others. Sometimes happiness and love for others is moving on and letting go. ~Alisa Hutton~

If we continue to allow our consciousness to animate our limiting beliefs, judgments and expectations, we obstruct our fullest potential when it comes to love. Thus, if we should connect for the sake of connecting, we are actually expecting other people to fill the void in our life. Eventually, we will give up and start all over again because as long as we are driven by attachment, everything we do is very superficial.  According to Rohini Ross, “Relationships provide us with a natural catalyst to help us let go of limiting beliefs and support us by opening our eyes more fully to the loving that is the essence of who we are.”  This personal awakening is a transformative experience that is the result of metanoia. At the same time, however, that sense of loss we experience when in the state of metanoia can make us very uneasy in addition to feeling abandoned.  To move out of this state, we need to find a new direction and start all over again. This process is often connected to the color violet which speaks of the loss and transformation.

“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The truth is that we can never be certain about what is going to happen next. What we perceive as challenges are also opportunities for growth because they are there to help us to see through the illusion of our thinking. Accept what was but do not allow it to be your reality anymore. By truly allowing ourselves to go through our processes without struggle, we will learn that feeling safe, peaceful, and content comes from experiencing our real self.

Embracing the wisdom of uncertainty not only frees you from the ego’s illusion of control, it puts you right in the middle of the joyful flow of cosmic creativity. ~Deepak Chopra~

 

 

Changes

Changes

We cannot deny that change is a necessary part of life. When things change, people learn to adapt to change, but it is also human to want a certain amount of stability. Not all changes can be seen visibly because some changes are more subtle and so we may not be fully aware of their impact. To quote James Belasco and Ralph Stayer from Flight of the Buffalo (1994), “Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.”

One thing we know for sure is that sudden changes are always an overdue thing. This happens in relationships especially when we have not been truthful about our feelings. Our relationships are never exactly the same each moment because circumstances change, our feelings change and other peoples’ feelings change. When our relationship becomes unhappy or abusive, our mind normally chooses to cling to happier memories of the halcyon days as a coping strategy. Many people react this way because they think that it is healthy or the right thing to do, even if it means having to experience the same kind of emotional drama and dissatisfaction over and over again. However, if we continue to bottle up our emotions, we will reach a breaking point where we cannot take it anymore. This then results in what is often viewed as a sudden change. On the other hand, people who take their lives for granted by accepting things as they are seldom feel the need to question whether they are happy in their lives.

You may ask, “Why must there be a change? Isn’t it better for things to remain constant? What can we gain from the changes in our lives?”

As Stanley F. Bronstein so aptly put it, “Change is a necessary element of growth. If we change we grow. If we don’t change, we don’t grow. We stagnate and begin to decay. That’s the simple truth about change.”

The Wheel of Fortune in the tarot is about change, whether for better or for worse. While it is true that each person has his or her own destiny, there are certain events which appear to be accidents but are actually part of the greater plan. If we want to prevent a sudden change, then we need to look into ourselves and see if we are truly happy.

Changing core belief is essential for improving one’s overall emotional well-being. Only by reconnecting with our authentic self instead of denying our feelings can we experience the fullness of our lives and feel most alive. In fact, there is actually a greater mechanism at work which requires us to make the journey inwards in order to contact our inner saviour so that we don’t need to helplessly await salvation from without.

“To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.” ~ Deepak Chopra~

So, why not make a paradigm shift in your life today and trust that the universe is guiding you towards growth and fulfilment?

 

Backstabbing

Back stabbing

Backstabbing is something which everyone abhors. In the corporate world, the more efficient or well-liked you are, the higher the likelihood of you attracting backstabbers. Backstabbers frequently have pessimistic thoughts and are constantly finding fault with others. They tend to be dissatisfied with their life in general, and thus hate it when they see others living happily. Hence, they draw attention to themselves by bad-mouthing others. In order to make themselves feel good, they spread lies about others. While it is unwise to fight them time after time, it is important to handle them well.

In our society, we often see the one who is being backstabbed as the victim because they come across as weak and disempowered compared to the backstabber. However, if we look into the dynamics of the situation, it is actually a very different scenario compared to what we initially perceived. Despite their different behavioural patterns, victims and backstabbers have complementary needs and this mutual affinity is what helps to sustain their relationship. However, to adhere to a victim ideology which states that victims are completely innocent is nonsensical because the act of being backstabbed takes two hands to clap.

Why do people choose to emphasize their victimization?

Many are blind to the fact that the victim stance is a powerful one. In claiming the status of a victim, all blame is assigned to others. In the world of the victim, he or she is always morally right. While the costs and suffering of victims are obvious, the benefits are more subtle. When they publicize the grievances in their life, they give up responsibility and control. Third parties are unwittingly drawn to their plight and cannot help but pity these poor unfortunate souls. Therefore, while the backstabbers are privileged and blameworthy, they themselves are pitiable and faultless.

By emphasizing their suffering and innocence at the hands of a bullying adversary, victims are more able to cast a wide net in their attempt to campaign for support. Privately, these victims gloat at those who fall for their pitiful act and will choose to play the victim for as long as such behaviour is rewarded. When viewed in this light, you can see that the act of the victim is even more murderous than the backstabber. The act of turning people against each other is that of a weak but manipulative mind. It is because they do not want to face the situation themselves that they ask others to do the job for them. Refusing to confront problems in our lives and acting the victim is exactly what makes us even more hideous than the backstabber.

To be consciously aware of the presence of backstabbers in your midst, you will probably have to be on the receiving end of their behaviour a few times. Once you comprehend what you are dealing with, then that will be the right time for you to face the situation. Victims need to rise above their feelings of despair, powerlessness and low self-confidence. They need to understand that they had a part to play in the entire process before they can endeavour to overcome their victim patterns.

Most people dislike confrontation of any sort and perhaps this is what the back stabbers are counting on. But if your actions show that you won’t allow negative behavior to continue to be directed at you, they may capitulate and back off. In the end, only we can deal with our situations to propel us forward.

“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always non-acceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

Eckhart Tolle~

So how many would truly stand up for themselves? And how many would continue to manipulate others by allowing their saviours to be at the forefront?

 

 

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